Hunting for the Forever

Home.

A roof of our own.

It's very clear now that our budget doesn't meet our criteria and so the house hunt keeps stalling, the search area keeps changing and I can't help but hope, that the housing market becomes more realistic!

I'd say we shouldn't be in this position at our age, but we are and there's no point crying over spilt milk.

We tried French life and consequently we are in starting over in a very challenging UK market. Not ideal.

It is what it is.

When a small or terraced house reaches the dizzying heights of just under 1/2 a Million in the north, I am left wondering why? It's mad. Once upon a time that sort of budget bought something rather special!

We've been looking for just over a year now, often just window shopping but at other times, we fall hard, even if just for a few hours. The thing about time is, it gives us an opportunity to work out what it is we need, never mind what it is we want.

Oddly, we have just recently realised a few important needs. One, we have to have man shed/garage space and if not, the space to build it and I need studio space but I also want decent windows and heating. Often, at the price point we are at, which is self imposed due to age, we aren't quite finding the needle in the hay stack. Equally we aren't willing to overspend and saddle ourselves with the impossible!

There's also the fear of moving too quickly in a fractious market. The interest rates don't seem stable enough and I hear money market chat, that the rates could rise up to 3 x times very quickly, very soon. There's also that pesky budget to come and whether stamp duty will be faffed with?

Also, world politics are rather frightening at the moment and I do wonder what that means for us all in the near future?

What I've often found in times like this, is that there really isn't a 'right time' to buy, just the right time for us. Nevertheless, we will have to be ready for mortgage stress if the market bombs, interest rates rise or work isn't easy to come by!

Believe me we've experienced buying houses during a boom and then having to give them up because of a bust, twice!

We've made two unlucky purchases in the past, not counting France, which still feels like the biggest 'ouch' to date. Back then in the 90's and 2000's we lost big time but were young enough to recover. These days we don't have time for similar mistakes and that makes this house hunt a little more complicated.

We are very aware that during the course of the life of a mortgage, it can go either way! So we are keeping our budget lower than we'd like and will opt for a mortgage over a shorter period of time.

I naturally lean toward period homes with lots of fancy features, but this time I do not want the bill for window or heating renovation and that my friends took 99% of the homes we were looking at, off the table.

Also, please....I'd rather have no kitchen than an orange or brown outdated one! Why are we being asked to pay a kings ransom for old and tired? The one left on our list has a red gloss kitchen! That is one trend I knew wouldn't last. Nothing glossy is ever good in my humble opinion!

What is a home?

I've had a really long time to think about this question, but essentially my conclusion is that 'Home' is us, it's what we make it, we can take almost any four walls and make it fit but not at any cost.

In Covid we festered happily at 'home' which was a minute french cottage. That home was a safe place for us. We rediscovered the joy of not doing the commute or 9/5 unless essential workers. We got back the time we all so badly needed, family time. I don't think we ever went back to the old life willingly, do you?

Everything happens at home from sadness to happiness and everything in between.

We are just two people and we are in our late fifties, so the media would have us believe it's time to want and need less, especially space! Not so! He needs an office and isn't keen on a small cupboard under the stairs, like he had here until we gave up a bedroom. I need a floral studio and of course the kids still visit. We aren't done yet!

He needs a large workshop for his 'fix it' hobbies and I want a garden to house a lot of plants, greenhouses and chickens. We are not ready for a tiny two bed bungalow but thanks for suggesting it!

It would certainly be easier to find the one if we did!

That said we are also very aware that from here on we will age and hopefully do so well but aging is definitely a consideration this time around. The property we choose down the line will have to have the option of a downstairs bedroom and bathroom. I think thats a non negotiable. The least needed feature to ensure as we age we can live on one level, if need be.

Having lived in a cold as ice farm house for one winter and just entering a second one, I know that my tolerance to cold has changed and I don't want to worry about heating a cranky old house. Heating is expensive now, never mind in ten, twenty, thirty years?

Decisions, decisions but the list of potentials is down to a measily one at the moment!

We are relying on the camper being ready to roll in the next month, so we can widen the search, otherwise we will still be looking this time next year! How I'm feeling right now, I wouldn't be surprised if we were experiencing a third winter here! However there are now plans afoot to install two heat recovery pumps at this rental, sadly not before winter.

Near us, theres an over 55's residential assisted living community, brand new! I am perplexed by the age group? Is it just to steal early pensions? Since when did 55 year olds need assisted living? Now if it was advertised as over 67's, the new state retirement age, it would make more sense to me! Who at 55 years young decides its time to stop living and check themselves into an almost facility? Is the government and media writing off 55 + too early? Yes I really think so especially when state aged retirement comes 12 years later!

It would seem that the world of finance tries to pigeon hole us into being viewed as 'old' before actually being old! It wild! Also if I'm gonna retire to an old aged community, it had better be wild! Gin nights, bowling alley, swimming pool........decent chef.........my list would be rather long! I cannot see me retiring to a tiny one bed with zero community facilities! Fun doesn't stop with age!

Grrrrrrrr!

Before my Mum passed nearly two years ago now, it was clear she wasn't well enough to live independently and my Dad wasn't really a domestic god. Before we left to live in France permanently, I had the conversation with her. I worried us leaving would take eyes off her and dad. So we offered for them to come with. It was the best we could do at the time but they both felt they could look after each other and frankly rather would. There was definately a determination to stay put which in my opinion was rather deluded. Sadly, I was right.

At their house there were steep stairs and no upstairs loo to consider. The writing was on the wall but my Dad didn't want the inconvenience of moving to something more suitable. The conversation began in their 60's and my mum was very much in favour of a move to a bungalow even back then. My brother and I had already been nagging them for several years to consider the safety issue around mums increasing lack of mobility.

Around this time two years ago, she fell down those stairs and eventually died of her injuries on the 1st of December 2024. It was very sad. No one ever wanted this to happen I'm sure. Her last decent conversation with me was about how badly she wanted to go home but equally feared being put in an old folks home, because Dad couldn't look after her. We were still in France at the time and so I told her she could live with us there and we could adapt the home. I already knew the answer would be a resounding no. I understood why. Mum needed her friends, her community, her home and Dad. France would be a push too far at nearly 80. In the end it was absolutely their choice.

Unfortunately, I've never had the cash to sort the issue of the much wanted bungalow out. I really wish I could have and my family kinda blamed me, I became the fall guy for everything because they believed I did have the money. It had always been that way but we didn't and what we did have we spent on educating our kids. People make choices and old people have made their choices in life good and bad. Their kids are not responsible for those choices. The insult to injury for me is how my family played games when mum died, I was pushed out and it was clear I had no family once mum stopped holding it altogether. Siblings can disagree but I'm still reeling from the fallout. I never want that for my kids, ever.

What I have come to understand from the tragedy of loosing Mum, is that planning for old age is important and done at the right time, it will aid, not hinder, the future for us and our family. Also you can take a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. My parents were very stubborn and very set in their ways. I know one day my kids will say the same about us, but I hope by then we've put everything in place to ensure we aren't a worry for them at a time they are living their best lives. Yes, I too would rather die in my sleep in my own home but I guess it's not always possible. I certainly aim to try and make that happen, so our house hunt can't be whimsical in nature it must be well thought through.

Another lesson we've learnt from my mums passing, is not to ignore the paperwork, until it's too late to make a difference. So we've ensured that we have up to date wills and the kids have the knowledge needed to ensure our passing is as neat as it can be one day.

I think its a terrible liberty to expect your kids to play detective once you've left this mortal coil. It also makes it tough for siblings that don't see eye to eye. I don't even have a keepsake from my Mum because her wishes weren't properly conveyed. That has been hard to stomach but thankfully I don't need things, I have memories. It's never about money or possessions for me, just about fairness. I will dole out what I have equally, anything else is unpalatable to me.

Make your wishes plain and simple for all and let them know earlier rather than later how you want your possessions dealt with.

Make it easy on your family to grieve you rather than feel frustrated or be searching for a will. Dying intestate is rather awful for the family, I'm sure. Equally, dying with a scribbled will made in the 80's won't pass muster 40 years later. To ensure you are organised should the worst happen;

You will need

Wills *witnessed

Insurance policies

Funeral plans

Bank details

Pension details

Investment/shares details

Company details/accountants details

Tax and national insurance numbers

Deeds

Power of attorney

Personal wishes

Details of any debt/loans/lease vehicles

Details of what you want done with pets

Details of any charities you wish to gift to

Make a decsion about who is to deal with your will and possessions

Pop these in a fire proof locked box and make sure AT LEAST TWO relatives have the combination or lodge with a solicitor. Also pop copies in the mail to them and drop into a cloud online.

Do update them as things change.

It's a paperwork exercise but one that should never be left to the kids to fight over. It's both lazy and wrong. You are leaving your mess for them to deal with and often pitching them against each other. The best thing to do is make your death, whenever it comes, easy on the admin side. Keep a very open ongoing conversation as morbid as that seems. No secrets, no lies. Certainly no surprises!

Having a will drawn up isn't terribly expensive, ours cost 80 pounds each. The Power of attorney can be done on the Govt website. No need for expensive solicitors, so there's no need to put it all off really is there?

I think those that can't accept the possibility of death do find it difficult to plan ahead. Death is the one thing we can guarantee, will happen to us all at some stage and I'm afraid it needs to be faced head on.

So I think I'm done here today and might have another little visit with Rightmove! I will get into town versus country next time! Until then......

Much love and a bucket of gumption.

D x